Some would say my dreams aren’t that big.
I don’t want:
Millions of dollars
A mansion, a yacht, or three lake houses
Or to rule the world or be famous
What I do want is:
The ability to help the people around me as much as possible
The ability to spend my time the way I see fit
The ability to travel semi-regularly
The ability to write for a living
Financial freedom
and maybe a Porsche…
As I said, in the grand scheme of things, my dreams don’t seem unreasonable or unrealistic.
The Porsche maybe out there but I want one so bad
But sometimes I think I’m asking for too much, especially when I talk about my dreams with older people.
I’m often met with statements like:
“You better be ready to pay all that money.”
“Wait till you start paying bills.”
“I used to want all that stuff to, then life happened.”
I know comments like these usually come from a place of compassion.
Maybe they just don’t want me to have my head in the clouds or be disappointed later on in life.
But, I often saw these statements as direct attacks on my goals. I slowly felt more insecure about what I wanted out of life.
I also would get angry at the people in my life who would say things like that. I took offense to them not thinking that I could pull these things off.
Frankly, I think the ladder response was childish, especially after reflecting on why I even shared these things with them in the first place.
The Emptiness of External Validation
When I went around telling people about what I wanted to do and what I was passionate about, I wasn’t just telling them to tell them.
Deep down, I wanted them to prove my insecurities wrong.
I’ve said this before, but I’ve struggled with doubting myself for a long time.
I grew up around people with pretty humble dreams.
They just wanted a decent job. One that paid them enough to pay their bills and be above the poverty line.
Enjoying the job didn’t really matter to them, and things like traveling or having a new car were luxuries only a few could have.
And though that may be enough for many people from my hometown, that’s simply not enough for me.
But I still felt like the odd man out. Like maybe I should settle for something that seems to work for everyone else.
So, to counteract my growing self-doubt, I would talk about my passions with my loved ones, hoping that they would encourage me and convince me that could live the life I wanted.
And in the times they did, I would ride that high and feel emboldened, but it never lasted.
This just shows how external validation is the cheapest way to deal with your insecurities.
Like many cheap things, it may work in the short term, but it’ll end up costing you more in the future.
Soon I was in a cycle of trying to find the next high from validation.
Rebuilding the Foundation of My Dreams
Even though I created my hopes and dreams, I built them on a foundation of external validation.
I built them on shifting sands.
There’s nothing wrong with seeking encouragement or support, but if insecurity is at the root of that search, you’ll never be fulfilled.
Frankly, I shouldn’t need other people to believe in me. Them doing so should just be a bonus.
I have to know that I’ll make things happen. I have to know that things will work out.
Because if I can’t, they never will.
The solution is simple: Just believe in yourself more.
And that’s just what I’ll do.
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