The Anti-Routine: Controlled Chaos
How delving into my habits brought me closer to my goals
I’m a routine junkie.
My YouTube recommendations are full of influencer morning and evening routines and I can’t get enough of them.
If you’re like me, you probably watch content like this for one of two reasons:
To live vicariously through these successful people
To gain insight into a successful person’s routine
Which one sounds more harmful?
Most of you would understandably choose Reason #1, which sounds deceptively unhealthy, and if I weren’t writing this, I would choose the same.
Yet, Reason #2 is much more destructive, and paired with YouTube’s algorithm, it exacerbates my perfectionism, my nastiest trait.
What starts as an innocent curiosity about successful routines, becomes an obsessive hunt for life advice. Soon, I’m hunched over my laptop, eyes sour from staring at a screen, searching for tips to launch me into my picture-perfect life.
It doesn't matter that these videos are virtually the same because my fear of missing out on the perfect advice forces me to continue.
So, I keep watching these videos despite the whole ordeal becoming progressively more repetitive and obscure.
However, instead of wasting time trying to match my routine to random strangers, I decided to scrap a routine entirely.
At least for a couple of days…
The Anti-Routine
During this time, I indulged in what I thought were my worst habits.
I slept in, used my phone immediately upon waking up, sat around most of the day, and regularly ate high-processed food.
I leaned into how easy it was to let go of all the self-imposed restrictions I put on myself. I rarely offered myself the luxury of laziness, so it was quite enjoyable.
I wasn’t in complete lazy bliss, though.
I still felt crummy during certain moments, especially in the food category. If I learned anything, I learned that my stomach is not as bottomless as it used to be and is much more sensitive to change.
That grease be tearing me up lol. But did that stop me from having another bite? Absolutely not.
But, even though I avoided doing “productive” things during the experiment, I always found time to write something down. Whether it was a list or some notes from something I listened to.
A more meaningful lesson I got from this experiment was that my urge to write won’t leave me.
I was reminded of my passion for writing and I felt more secure in my writing journey than ever. To have that internal validation that says “Yes, you’re meant to do this thing no matter what,” did wonders for my confidence.
I was so routine-focused that I lost sight of the passion behind it.
“Real” Self Care
People make posts comparing “real” self-care vs. “fake” self-care.
Normally, a good routine involves exercising, reading, meditation, and less screen time. All things that most people believe to be healthy. And doing these things is great.
But try indulging in your “bad habits” sometimes, especially if you’re a perfectionist like me. If that sounds too radical, at least try to break out of your routine sometimes.
Your routine may be holding you back. We create routines for a sense of control, but having such a tight grip on your life isn’t healthy, and trying to work in such a small box murders your creativity.
I was so routine-focused that I lost sight of the passion behind it. I was just adding things to my routine because I was seeking perfection, but I kept forgetting that it was impossible.
And I’ll admit that I still do certain things routinely, but now I intentionally add some needed leniency to the equation to be more realistic. With that pressure of perfection lifted off of my shoulders, I get back to enjoying the things I do daily.
And it’s time to let go of this narrative of finding keys to success in other people. This all started because I kept trying to fit other people’s frameworks into my own and all that got was stress.
A little chaos is fine and honestly inevitable. So you can either welcome it in or stress yourself out trying to ignore it.
Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed please feel free to subscribe for more
Leave a comment and make sure to like this post
You might also like:
Thoughts From An Ex People Pleaser
Selflessness is considered a virtue. I’ve always been proud of my ability to put other people’s needs ahead of my own. I did so even when people told me I didn’t have to, even when I didn’t want to, and even when it hurt me. I just kept doing it until there came a point where I felt like I had nothing left to give.
Discomfort vs Pain
One thing I learned from going to the gym is that no matter what you’re doing (whether you’re lifting weights or running) you must push yourself to see results. When I started walking out of the gym sweaty and shaking I also saw consistent results soon after.
People make it hard for themselves to create perfect routines by putting in what we described as a perfect morning routine like you said, exercise, meditation or reading. But what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for others. We absolutely want to conform instead of creating a real routine that suits us and allows us to have a balance. Thanks for this post, I've just subscribed.