Spiritually Deaf?
I don’t normally talk about my faith here, but I felt compelled to write about this experience I had recently.
For context, I always admired people who could hear God’s voice. As someone who grew up in church, I often saw people filled with the Holy Spirit and having conversations with God.
As I got older, I waited for the day I would hear God’s voice. In my mind, I assumed it would be like what I had seen in church. But years would go by and I never had that experience.
I knew God was guiding me, but that open line of communication didn’t exist. I would perceive signs and pray, but a voice was always absent to me.
As important as it is to feel God, I felt like it was just as important to hear Him.
This awkward silence between me and God caused me to lose trust. Consequently, I tried to control every variable in my life and left almost nothing in God’s hands.
Voice from Within
With all that being said, the “experience” that inspired this post started as a restless night.
I’ve been dealing with anxious thoughts for a while now, but recently they have been a bit more intense. I try my best not to dwell on them and keep going, but they’ve been creeping up more and more.
They’ve been particularly detrimental to my sleep schedule. Night after night, I would toss and turn in bed because my mind was racing. For whatever reason, I would fixate on potentially being sick, a fear I’ve had since childhood. My mind saw any shift in my stomach as proof that I was ill. No matter how innocuous it was.
Normally, when this happens, I simply accept the fact that I won’t sleep well. But, this night, I desperately wanted to sleep. So, I prayed, and like many times before, I simply hoped God was listening.
There was still distrust in my heart, though.
Then, I started repeating certain phrases to myself. And as I was saying them, I felt a voice bigger than mine.
You’re alright, you’re worried about things that haven’t happened.
You’ll get some rest soon. You’re fine.
They were simple phrases, things I’d said out loud before, but this time they echoed within me. Not that I need to give God a voice, or that God even needs to be given a voice, for that matter. But, in that moment, I felt like a vessel that God was speaking through.
I immediately calmed down, and I knew I could finally sleep.
I was just as much relieved as I was stunned.
To Yield
The next day, I wondered why it happened.
Like I said, I repeated affirmations before, and I’ve certainly prayed before. But why was this time different?
It took me a couple of days, but I think the key difference this time was the act of surrendering.
Once I started repeating those phrases to myself, I also started surrendering myself to God. Instead of trying to get a hold of the situation, I simply let go and trusted that God would work everything out.
Let go and let God, if you will.
I’ve always believed that help comes to those who help themselves, and that belief extended to my view of God. And to a point, I still think it does. But every once in a while, I think God wants to do all the work for you because He’s the only one who can do it.
Power of Surrender
This one night changed the way I approached my faith. Not only do I think I’ll sleep better, but the burden of worrying about everything has been lifted off of my shoulders.
I can’t think that everything relies on me because trials will come up that simply cannot overcome by myself. If I claim to believe in God should trust Him to do big AND little things on my behalf.
That certainly doesn’t mean I’m going to sit around and do nothing. But when I face an immovable obstacle, instead of trying to push it myself, I’ll kindly move out of the way and let God do the heavy lifting.
As a child of God, one should know that God is looking out for His children.
By the way, I’m not trying to proselytize anyone. This is just a personal anecdote that I wanted to share. I hope the main thing anyone takes from this is that there is power in surrendering.
There comes a point where we need to throw our hands up and believe it’ll get better somehow.
Proud of you!!!!!
Awesome 🙌🏽