maybe you are being too easy on yourself
Thoughts on self-discipline
If you haven’t seen the movie Whiplash, stop reading this and go watch it first. It’s a great movie and I’d hate to spoil it for you here. You’ve been warned.
Right now, many people are taking a slower and more gentle approach to life. One antithetical to hustle culture, a popular movement known for its extreme philosophy regarding work ethic and success.
For many folks, gone are the days of overworking themselves and sleepless nights as they’re replaced with slower living and giving oneself grace.
As harmful as hustle culture has been to people’s lives, stepping back and taking it easy can’t hurt right?
Well, I think a lot of people use anti-hustle culture rhetoric as a crutch, which is potentially getting in the way of their progress.
In the movie Whiplash, the character named Fletcher, (a maestro for a college jazz band played by J. K. Simmons) believes the only way to reach perfection is through grueling torture.
He physically and psychologically abuses his students to squeeze the best performances out of them. To him, anyone not willing to sacrifice their dignity, their safety, and even their mental health to play better, isn’t fit to be in his band.
However despicable His approach is, unfortunately, it’s quite effective as it is implied that his band is amongst the best.
Now, I don’t believe striving for perfection excuses abuse, nor do I believe it’s even possible for us to be perfect. But, I think Fletcher was on to something when he said this:
“There are no two words in the English language more harmful than good job.”
Terrence Fletcher, Whiplash
Though Fletcher may be a (very) extreme example, there’s some truth at the root of his philosophy.
There’s no growth without anguish, pain, or discomfort.
We’ve learned that being too hard on ourselves leads to worse outcomes, which is great.
But have we gotten too soft on ourselves? Are we holding ourselves accountable? Are we avoiding what’s best for us just because it’s a little hard?
So many people today, never pursue their passion, never start their health journey, and never live their lives, because they give themselves too much credit.
They do the bare minimum and nothing more.
For example, a lot of people start their fitness journey by walking, which is a great starter exercise for beginners. However, the body will eventually get used to this and need more stimuli to continue progressing.
But people ignore this fact and are so pleased with themselves walking for a little bit a day that they never try walking for longer or walking faster. Things that may be uncomfortable in the moment, but in the long run will be better for them.
Here’s another example… a personal one.
I thought that typing a few words a day was great, and it was when I first started posting. However, after months of inconsistent posting, I realized that writing only a little bit a day and not trying to improve the efficiency and quality of my work would cause me to be a subpar writer.
If I want to grow, if I want to get better, I have to scale up. I have to do more than the bare minimum.
Yes, we should celebrate our small wins, but don’t let the party go on for too long or you risk winning big.
A quote I heard the other day really spoke to me:
It’s not about avoiding stress. It’s about expanding your capacity for stress.
Growth is stressful.
Plants don’t just grow in the forest. They grow on the sidewalk, they grow in the trash, and they can grow just about anywhere.
Imagine if plants only grew where it was easiest to grow. The world would be a whole lot duller in my opinion.
They’ll take root, take what they can get, and they’ll grow.
Anyone trying to improve their life or make a change must accept that stress is non-negotiable.
Self-love isn’t just about doing what you want it’s about doing what you need.
Yes, take it easy from time to time. But don’t stop completely when things get hard.
So take a look at your life right now. What are some things you’ve been pushing to the side?
Are there any areas in your life where you could invest in yourself by doing what’s uncomfortable?
Till next time xx
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Thanks so much for writing!! So grateful to feel seen in this!
This is interesting to me as someone who’s overworked herself and has seen how much that has slowed down her progress. I like the idea of working towards our dreams, finding a way that works for us that doesn’t make us burnout or lose perspective on what’s important in life too. I think for me being softer with myself has made me improve so much, work for me just flows now. It’s interesting because I’m sure a lot of people need to hear this now. Some people need to hear “slow down” and others need to hear “maybe you have to push a little harder” and I do understand that even though the pushing harder is our main narrative in society nowadays, I suppose places like substack will be a little bit more leaning onto the “slow down” kind of advice, apart from the fact that this can also be romanticized