The Role Model Fallacy

How Looking Up to People Destroys Your Sense of Self

Photo by Klim Musalimov on Unsplash

Recently I’ve been feeling like I don’t have an identity.

If asked to describe myself or what I believe in, the words I would come up with didn’t feel like my own.

I sat down and reflected on parts of myself and, in my own words, tried to describe how I felt.

After doing so for an hour or two, I wrote this:

I want to become what I seek, which are people who are confident, wise, and prudent. I tend to outsource my behavior. I try to emulate people I admire and I’ve done that for so long that I don’t know who I am.

The Role Models of Yesteryear

What’s funny is that if you asked me before writing this if I had any role models, I would probably say “no.”

When I think of a role model, I think of a celebrity or a prominent figure that people idolize, and I arrogantly thought I was above such a trivial concept.

After witnessing the MeToo movement and watching dozens of well-liked and well-respected celebrities get “canceled,” my belief in role models dwindled even more.

Most of those famous role models weren’t even decent human beings, so to look up to them felt like wool being pulled over your eyes.

I thought that claiming I didn’t have any role models made me sound different and smarter than the average person.

You’re Just Like the Rest of Us

Turns out, all those influencers I loved so much were just role models in disguise.

My social media feeds were full of people I wanted to emulate, and somehow I convinced myself that I differed from people who had role models.

I followed hundreds of people who lived what I thought was my dream life and who were gracious enough to give tips to their followers on how they could be just like them.

And I would try to follow their advice to the letter. Any method, routine, or affirmation recommended to me I held as gospel.

At first, I felt like I was working on myself and on the path to being a better me.

Eventually, all I was left with was a feeling that I didn’t have a personality.

I regurgitated all the advice I got from social media and I didn’t have a clue what my values were.

It was also affecting my relationships too.

I was playing a character that I didn’t recognize and because of that, I couldn’t connect with the people around me.

Then I would be jealous of people who were so sure of themselves and either try to pick a part of their personality to take as my own or I would start to quietly. resent them.

Now, my internal disconnect with myself was causing me to be a worse person.

The Fallacy

Instead of seeing people as models, I should have just seen them as people.

I hijacked the concept of being inspired by others and turned it into a method of copying people.

There are thousands of people out there giving advice on social media.

Hell, I’m practically one of them.

Yes, we’re all influenced by other people in our lives. But there comes a point where we have to figure out our own terms for why we believe/ do the things we do.

Eventually, we have to create our own framework. We have to make our own anchors.

That takes a lifetime to do, and I can’t waste time trying to be like other people.

I guess what I’m saying is:

Role models are fine, but there comes a point where we have to be our own role model or we’ll be stuck following other people’s lead.

Authors Note ~

Apologies in advance if this one is a little rough around the edges. I’ve a lot of things have happened these last couple of days. I just wanted to post something for you guys and myself. I hope you guys are doing well.

Thank you again for reading 🖤

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