The Unexpected
Last week, my car’s alternator died. If, like me, you’re unfamiliar with what an alternator is, all you need to know are two things:
It’s vital for your car to function, specifically its battery
It’s HELLA expensive
So, picture me in a panic, frantically driving to the nearest auto shop to get this thing fixed so my car doesn’t explode in traffic.
The hardest part of that day wasn’t my car needing to be fixed.
No, the hardest part was being hundreds of dollars poorer.
This all happened the day before I got paid, and I had already planned out how I was going to use every dollar I earned.
So there went money for:
My emergency fund
My apartment fund
My “fun money” fund (Which is measly already)
After a series of mico-breakdowns, I finally understood a crucial lesson:
Life doesn’t give a sh*t about your plans.
Living in a Delusion
Friends, family, and strangers have tried to drill this point into my head, but it never sunk deep enough for me to get it.
I would listen, but in the back of my mind, I truly believed that my plans were foolproof.
I naively thought life would simply follow the script I made for it. That I would be the one person it would surrender to.
Obviously, I was wrong.
If I was right, then I would be at a well-paying job, living in my own apartment, whilst also having a lucrative newsletter on Substack.
And since none of that has happened, I’ve been struggling with bouts of deep melancholia that are frankly too emotionally and mentally exhausting to have so frequently.
But of course, I was feeling this way because my long-term planning detached me from reality.
Few things are worse than living in a delusion, detached from reality.
That’s what insanity is.
When planning, I entered a fantasy world that gave me a sense of security and joy that was promptly ripped away from me when the unexpected happened.
Then I would blame myself for not being perfect enough for things to work out.
But that day, while I sat in the waiting area of the auto shop, I finally stopped setting myself up for failure.
Why Long-Term Planning Doesn’t Work
That day, while I sat in the auto shop waiting to be picked up, I promised myself that I would never plan more than a month in advance ever again.
There are three main problems I have with long-term planning:
I. It was fueled by my perfectionism
When I envisioned these lofty aspirations for myself, all I was doing was reinforcing the mentality that as long as I’m perfect, things will work out. Which is patently false.
I shouldn't work myself into the ground for a faulty prediction. Instead, I should take care of myself now and direct my energy towards whatever serves me now.
II. It left too much room for limiting beliefs
Perhaps not planning for the future is a product of limiting beliefs in action, but I disagree.
I think it’s possible to be both unrealistically aspirational and relentlessly dubious when planning your life out so far in advance.
Judging by the current job market, it’s reasonable to say I was unrealistic thinking that I would have a well-paying job right out of college, without a related STEM degree.
Especially in this economy…
However, I was still doubtful of my writing career once I left college too. Deep down, I wanted a “real job” because I didn’t have enough faith in the newsletter.
A limiting belief I placed on myself.
When planning so far ahead, my passions took a back seat to what seems more “practical” from a societal standpoint.
So instead of believing in my ability for writing to be a career regardless of not having a degree pertaining it to it, I’ll settle for someone else dictating my career path (i.e. the traditional 9-5).1
III. It restricted me from appreciating the unpredictability of life.
I’ve noticed that I have a gratitude problem.
I’ve always been chasing the next big thing and placed my happiness in a planned distant future.
This mentality only set me up for current despair, where even in moments when things were going decently well, all I saw was the negative as it didn’t perfectly follow what I envisioned as my future.
Despite having a place to live, people who love me, and the ability to write and feed myself, I was restless.
This is not a “some people have it worse” argument around gratitude.
I hate when people say that because, although it may be true, it’s often said to invalidate someone’s personal issues.
Yeah, they may not be starving, but their daily stress and problems are just as real as anyone else’s. Instead of trying to quantify which one is worse, let’s just address both as real problems first. But I digress…
In short, looking so far ahead blinded me from the great here and now.
As corny as that may sound.
Don’t Burn Your Planners Just Yet
I’m not writing this post to say people should throw all their plans and goals out the window and live a directionless life.
What I am saying is that I’m actually going to take it one day at a time.
Well…maybe a month a time if I’m being honest.
To me, a monthly plan isn’t nearly as long-term as say a year or 5-year plan. And I think it’s the sweet spot between short and long-term planning (short being like a week)
I’ll see where this takes me and report back to you guys. Honestly, though, I already feel 10x better now that I don’t have a year-long plan weighing me down.
Maybe shortening your window for plans will help your life be a little less stressful and happier, too.
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I am in no way shaming people who work a 9-5. Hell, I would shaming myself along with y’all. I don’t want a single employer to dictate my financial stability, which is often the case with a 9-5 job. I hope I won’t need one or at least not have it be my sole income.